What is that thing in your life that is both so scary to do and not do? I always think there is more time later to do things, or perhaps what is closer to the truth is that I always think I will feel more like doing things later. Writing is one of them. I'm usually okay when I sit down at a computer and start typing, but something inside me really tries to avoid it. It kind of feels like working out. Like it doesn't sound good and it's work, but if I don't do it I will gain weight- maybe not now, but someday it will catch up with me, and I'll probably get sick more often too. I think I'm in a glass half empty frame of mind -in the middle of writing that sentence I spilled water out on myself while drinking out of a reasonably sized cup, and then looked down to see where it landed and noticed my zipper is down. I guess it's worse than I thought.
I didn't really catch the irony there when I wrote that phrase about the glass being half empty and then took a sip - no gulp - of my water as if to say "and you thought half empty was low Sister, try empty." Or maybe it was to say "it's just water, here, have a drink." And that's how it is folks, two voices inside of me on demand, all the time.
But about doing things I don't want to do. I think I would be happier or more fulfilled if I was doing some of these things. Not all of them mind you, but maybe the parts I already mentioned about moving my body around more and writing. Like my body needs to get out more and my mind needs to stay in more. That is where California gets points, there are lots of ways to get out and move around, and the weather rarely provides an excuse not to do so. I have this hope - in that deceptive spirit of "do it later" - that if I move out here for good (and by good I mean until further notice), that I will become a Yogi. Or at least someone who goes to Lulu Bonda in Ojai once or twice a week to do downward dogs next to Ted Danson. Talk about finding a place where everybody knows your name.
I don't know if I reached an ending or not, but I'm going to bed anyway.
Labels: Ojai, Writing, Yoga
